Welcome to My World!

Always Waiting - Poetry

 

Each day I wait
anxiously
longingly
hoping
that this will be the day
that the doorbell will chime
or the phone will ring
that you will come up
and whisper in my ear
that you are here
and it is finally time
and you could be my true love
or you could be my dreams
or you could be Death
only I know
which one I write about
and wish for
at this moment
waiting a lifetime to embrace you
always waiting…


Caryn Suarez
08/08/02
 




Those who really know me
know which one I want the most....


 

 

Sleeping Beauty - Poetry

 

Funny what runs through your mind sometimes....

Patiently waiting
i hear my heartbeat
in my ears
eyes closed
limbs still
skin so pale
hair black as night
loose and free all around me
yet i hear them whisper -
"look at her
her lips still as red as the red,
red rose."

I'm waiting for my love
to come to
touch my hand to
brush his lips across
my cheek
my forehead
he will come to me
even if i must wait
forever
lying here in state
just to hear him say -
I'm here
I love you
Leave this bed of sleep
for light
and wait for me
in the garden...

i smile to myself
although no one sees
as the nurse pulls the needle
from my vein
applies a bandage and
silently leaves the room...

 

Copyrighted by Caryn Day-Suarez

 

Rebels Without A Bra - Short Story from Passing Thoughts

REBELS WITHOUT A BRA
 
 
 
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been four months since my last confession…Hey Father, I have this thing I have been doing for the past 15 years and now I got my daughter doing it. I don’t really know if it is a sin or not, but I figured after all this time and since I have her hooked on this too, I better fess up.”
 
“Oh, well go ahead my child.”
 
“I really don’t know where to start on this. I guess it started back in the 60’s with the Woman’s Liberation movement. I was only a little kid, but I remember watching TV at the time with my mom who was ironing in her skirt and apron. We were watching the marches and women descending upon Washington. Brassieres being set afire and thrown into piles in front of the White House. We both thought it was kind of funny at the time, but also pretty radical and disrespectful to the President. Women’s Lib? I wondered to myself. I didn’t know if this was going to be a good idea or not.”
 
“Ok, well…”
 
“But Father it could also have had something to do with my Grandmother. She had the hugest breasts I had ever seen on a woman. Forgive me for saying this, but she could have literally thrown them over her shoulder and tied them in a bow behind her neck. I feared to have something like this happen to me, as I grew older. My Grandmother had no middle. It was just these mammoth breasts from her neck to her pelvis ever since I could remember. I used to have nightmares about waking up and looking down and these things would hit the floor as soon as I got out of bed and I would be dragging them across the room. I would wake up screaming some times!”
 
“Now how is this related too?”
 
“I used to ask my mom if I was going to inherit these breasts because everybody told me I looked like my Grandmother when I was little. Of course, then we weren’t allowed to say the word, breasts, boobs, knockers, well you know. I was told to call them Grandmother’s “hearts”. Why? I don’t know? But believe me, Grandmother had the biggest, lowest hearts I had ever seen.”
 
 
“So where does this sin come in?”
 
“I’m getting to that. Fourteen years later my little sister came along and she was afraid of the same curse being passed on to her regarding Grandmother as well. We still always had to refer to Grandma’s breasts as her “hearts” whenever we talked about them. It got to be a joke with us after awhile. Every time we were in church and you would say, “We lift up our hearts to the Lord”, we would look at each other and break out laughing hysterically and lift our breasts to the air. Unfortunately, to this day we still do it! My sister, Lauryn and me.”
 
 ANYTIME we would hear something on TV, a song, “Give me your heart”, “Let me touch your heart”, “heart is where the home is”, anything to do with hearts we would always laugh about this.”
 
“Well, that’s not really THAT bad a sin, but a forgivable one.”
 
“Father it gets worse. Not only have my sister and I shared this joke with each other for years, but also my daughter has known it and shared in it since birth. Then when she was about four years old, I became a single mother, divorced, working 12 – 14 hours a day at the hospital just to try to get money for her and I to survive. My husband had run off and left me for some rich bimbo and we ended up selling our house. Lauryn and I ended up in an apartment, me working to death, her, poor baby, in Daycare. Anyway, one night driving home from work after picking her up from the babysitter, I was tired and in a bad mood. I was sick of always getting up in the dark and going home in the dark. So this was Women’s Lib in the 1980’s – work all day, work all night, go home and still clean your house, do the laundry, do the bills, take care of your kid, fix your car! What a crock! What a wonderful thing this was for women everywhere I thought to myself. My feet hurt, my bra was killing me, I mean really killing me, so I took it off in the car.”
 
“You took it off while driving?”
 
“Yes, Father, have you ever seen “Flash Dance”? There is a scene in the movie where the girl takes her bra off under her clothes and flips it on the coffee table right in front of this guy. Well, anyway I mastered the art of that. Undo the back, go up the sleeve pull down one strap then the other and pull from the front and Walla – you’re free!”
 
“Yes, I think I remember seeing that movie at one time or another.”
 
 
“Well, after I got it off, and I had this old tired wired thing in my hand, I didn’t know what to do with it. We were going home over the Matthews Bridge. Lauryn looked at me from her car seat and said “your hearts are free!” I started laughing and without a thought rolled down my car window and screamed “My heart is free” and let the bra fly out into the night air and the wind took it over the side of the bridge, or so I thought.”
 
“What do you mean, did it cause an accident?”
 
“No Father, but the next morning in traffic we were stuck bumper to bumper going back over the Matthews Bridge and guess what was stuck to a post in mid air on the side of the bridge?”
 
“Your bra?”
 
“Yes, Father my old dirty, white, worn out 38C flapping in the wind like a flag. Lauryn saw it first and we both started laughing hysterically.”
 
“Well, I would think this is more of a littering sin, perhaps a venial one…”
 
“Father it gets worse. This wasn’t just a one-time thing. In fact, it has been going on now like I said for 15 years. My daughter and I have thrown bras all over Jacksonville declaring our Independence and Freedom. It has become a tradition that I know will probably be passed down to her daughter and beyond. From that first time on, every old bra after that got worn for one last time and sometimes even good bras at a whim got thrown out the window. If we hear a song on the radio about “giving your heart to somebody” anything to do with that old “heart” phrase which reminded us of big boobs, Women’s Lib whatever, the bras came off, we would scream “Freedom” and fling them into the wind. Lauryn couldn’t even wait to get her first training bra. Two days after she got one she wanted to fling it out the window. It has become quite an epidemic with us now. We have thrown bras out over every bridge in this city, the entire Riverside area, funeral parlors, fast food restaurants, the beaches, cemeteries, shopping center parking lots, Father we have pretty much covered the streets of Jacksonville over the years in our old underwear. Father, are you laughing? Please this is serious!”
 
“Well, I guess the only thing I can say to that is I forgive you of your sins and you just need to really, really TRY to get over this before you get a littering ticket. You do need to be careful you could cause an accident if one of these things ever flew into the windshield of a car or something.”
 
”Oh, we always look around first Father before we fling them out to make sure nobody is around.”
 
“Ok, well say three Hail Mary’s and I forgive you of this sin. Now tell me child in your heart, don’t you feel better that you finally got this off your chest?”
 
“Father you are just asking for it!”

 

Copyrighted - Caryn Day-Suarez

 

Katie's Christmas - Short Story - 2nd Place FTU Holiday Contest 2001

 

 
 
 
 
 
KATIE’S CHRISTMAS
 
 
Katie stood in line to see Santa holding her daddy’s hand, swinging it out and swinging it in. An adorable green eyed, curly haired brunette with an impish smile and all of five.
“Daddy, how much longer?” She pleaded impatiently, standing on her daddys feet and reaching for the middle of his sweater to pull him down to her level.
“Only two more people sweetie, see, one, two… and then KATIE!”
“Yeah, Katie!” She said clapping her hands. 
“Do you remember what you are going to ask Santa for, Katie?” Her Daddy quizzed.
“Yep.”
“What?”
“A baby doll. A Trampolina doll like Mommy has. Where did mommy put her baby doll daddy, I want to hold it?”
“I don’t know sweetie, I haven’t seen it.”
Katie thought about Mommy and her doll. Mommy had let her hold it a couple of times. She remembered that Mommy had it in a box somewhere. She kept it there because it was really old and it had been Mommy’s Christmas present from Santa when she was little. She was going to give it to her when she was just a little bit bigger. Katie knew she was big enough now.
Finally it was Katie’s turn to see Santa. She ran and jumped on his lap. Some ladies were talking with Daddy and he was paying them to have her picture taken.
“Hi Santa. Remember me? I’m Katie.”
“I do. I do. My Katie you have gotten so big! How old are you now?” Santa asked.
Katie held up five fingers for him.
“Five. What a big girl you are! Have you been a good girl all year?”
Katie nodded her head yes and seemed to get suddenly shy.
“What does Katie want Santa to bring her this year?”
“Look this way Santa! Katie! Look here sweetie. Wave to Daddy!”
Katie looked up and over at her Daddy and the lady wearing the funny antlers. She smiled showing two big dimples and then immediately turned back to Santa. The flash went off and amid a round of “aahs”.
“Santa, I need a Trampolina doll like my Mommy’s if you got one because I really, really, really want it.”
“A Trampolina doll?” Santa questioned.
“Yeah. A baby Trampolina doll like Mommy’s.”
“I will sure do my best Katie.” Santa was a little bit confused. He had not heard of a Trampolina doll before. He bent over to reach for a small candy cane and handed it to Katie standing her back up.
“Anything else sweetie?” He asked.
“Can you bring me Mommy down from heaven? Just for a minute to say hi?” The toddler asked innocently.
“I sure will try Katie.” Santa said touching her cheek with his gloved hand.
“Thanks Santa. I will have your cookies out and carrots for your reindeer ok?”
“Ok. Katie. Merry Christmas!”
Katie beamed at Santa and ran back to her Daddy who was admiring his new photo of Katie and Santa.
“Let me see, let me see!” She begged. 
 
The next day was Christmas Eve and it was a busy day for Katie and her daddy. She helped him wrap presents and then Grandma and Grandpa came and the house started smelling really good. Grandma was cooking and Daddy was so happy! Katie helped her Grandma make cookies and she even fixed Santa’s plate all by herself. After super it was dark and she ended up in Grandpa’s lap rocking and reading stories. Mommy used to read her stories. 
 
The news came on and said that Santa had been spotted on the weather map in Jacksonville. Katie who had been dozing in Grandpa’s lap set straight up in the chair.
“I gotta go to bed, right now! Ok? If Santa comes by and sees me up he won’t bring me anything, so tuck me in let’s go! C’mon Grandpa tuck me in, ok?”
“Ok, let’s go Katie.” He said smiling picking her up in his arms and tickling her.
 
Everybody tucked Katie in bed and kissed her goodnight. They all stood around her “big girl bed” and sang “Rudolph” and “Silent Night”. Then they all said prayers. Katie was really tired, but excited. Tonight Santa would come and bring her lots of toys and maybe bring her Trampolina.
 
When it was really dark and really quiet in the night Katie got up and crept to the living room. She just could not sleep anymore! She knew everyone else was asleep so crept out being really quiet. The Christmas tree was beautifully lit and millions and millions of presents surrounded the tree! Katie wondered how Santa got all these in his sleigh. She checked the milk and cookie plate and it was clean, except for a few crumbs. 
 
There was a new bike, and a Barbie car and some new Barbie’s. A little blackboard and some chalk with a desk, and a big stuffed white bear. Katie peered around quietly fumbling through the boxes, but where was Trampolina?
 
Suddenly from the doorway in the hall Katie heard something and she turned and jumped a little. Somebody had caught her out here by the presents!
 
“Katie? Katie come over here!” The voice whispered.
 
“Mommy?” Katie peered into the hall. At first all she could see was a faint light, but it started to grow a little brighter. It was near the hall closet. “Mommy?” She said again.
 
“Katie? Here baby. Don’t be afraid come open the door.” The voice said softly.
 
Katie was not afraid for some reason. She had asked to see Mommy for Christmas, but why was she in the closet? She ran over and opened the hall closet door. It was full of warm white light, but no light switch was on. Katie stood there a minute and then again asked, “Mommy? Where are you? I can’t see you?”
 
“I’m here sweetie. Look in the box under those old books in the corner.” She urged.
 
Katie saw the old books and pushed the pile over. There was a box that looked kind of old, a big sturdy cardboard one. 
 
“Mommy, where are you? Are you in this box?” Katie bent down whispering to the box.
 
“No Katie, I am right here with you. Pull it out in to the hall and open it sweetie.” The voice continued to urge. 
 
Katie pulled the old box out and opened the lid. There wrapped in a baby blanket and tissue paper was her Mommy’s treasured doll.
 
“Trampolina!” She squealed in delight picking up the baby from her box.
 
“Her name is Themalina, or whatever you want to name her Kate’um’s.” The voice laughed. 
 
Katie knew it was Mommy then because only Mommy called her Kate’um’s, and only Mommy had that certain little laugh.
 
“Am I big enough now?” Katie said gleefully asking the light in the closet holding the doll tenderly in her arms.
 
“Yes, baby you are big enough. You are my big girl and I love you very, very much.”
 
“I love you to Mommy. I will take good care of Them-a-leena.” Katie whispered back to the closet.
 
“Take care of Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa too for me ok baby?” 
 
“Ok, Mommy. Thanks for my baby. Is Santa in there with you? She asked the light in the closet starting to fade.
 
“Yes, Katie. Santa is with me. Now off to bed goofy! Santa and I watch you all the time! I am always with you. So be good!”
 
“Merry Christmas Mommy. I love you.” Katie said shutting the closet slowly.
“Merry Christmas sweetheart. I love you so much.” The light slowly faded away.
 
Katie stood there for a minute. Then she noticed a smell. Mommy’s smell. It was the perfume that mommy always wore. She held the baby doll close to her hugging it, then holding it back a little she whispered. “ Trampolina you smell like Mommy. I am bigger and I will take good care of you.”
Katie kissed the doll and held her tight to her again. She stood a few seconds longer in the dark, looking at the closet and then turning to look back at the beautifully lighted Christmas tree.
 
“Thank you Santa. Thank you Jesus. Merry Christmas.”
 
Then quick as a little bunny Katie ran down the hall to Mommy and Daddy’s room opening the door in the dark and still running ran straight for daddy and jumped up on his bed. 
 
“Daddy, Daddy, wake up! Look what Mommy gave me for Christmas!” 
 
 
 
 
Caryn M. Day-Suarez
December 2001
2nd Runner up - Florida Times Union Christmas Contest - 12/2001
Copyrighted Caryn Day-Suarez
 
 
 
 
Bad Kid's Christmas

 

BAD KID’S CHRISTMAS

  

It was the night before Christmas and all through our house, the five bratty Day kids decided to test Santa’s good and bad list up to the last minute.  After all it was Christmas Eve in the 70’s, Santa had surely already packed the sleigh and was getting ready to leave, what could he do now?  My mom’s favorite John Denver eight track was playing in the stereo in the living room.  Smells of home made holiday snicker doodles wafted through the air.  Snow was on the ground and spitting from the gray Indiana skies.  The holiday spirit was in the air.

 

Christmas Eve started out as a normal day, but for some reason my pesky little brothers were in rare form.  My 7-year-old brother Matt had decided we needed to have a little Christmas glow, so he took all of the Christmas cards hanging of the garland on the stoop, piled them up in the hallway closet set them on fire and then ran.  Next came my mother’s screams as she ran through the house with a bucket of water.  

 

Later that afternoon my brothers, Phil and Bob, ages 9, started wrestling in front of the Christmas tree and knocked it completely over, breaking bulbs, ornaments flying, lights flickering everywhere.  Mom again screamed as they fled to their room.  I still remember seeing her in her apron trying to pick up that eight foot Christmas tree by herself, cussing us all.  John Denver still singing peacefully in the background.

 

Later that afternoon my brother, Steven, age 12, decided to take Dad’s prize winning deer head off the wall and run around the house sticking the head in the windows scaring my other brothers, who thought Santa was here and they had to high tail it to bed.  This went fine, until he fell in the yard in the snow and snapped off two of the deer’s antlers. 

 

Me, the inocent sweet, smart, beautiful, eldest daughter who never did anything, well after the tree went down, I had found my brother’s old baby dish in the cupboard with the suction cup on the bottom of it. I decided to stick it on the front window to see if it would still stick.  It did, and when I tried to pull it off, I shattered the entire picture window.  My mother by this time, screaming at us all hysterically, sent each and every one of us to our room the rest of the day, no supper, no communication with each other.  We sat in our rooms in silence.  Dad came home from work, saw what we all had done, and the whippin’s ensued with threats that now we had really done it and Santa would bring us nothing.  We didn’t sweat it.  We knew the sled was already packed.

 

Christmas morning we woke up early, making a bee-line for the now crooked standing, unlit Christmas tree standing in front of the cardboard covered front picture window with all the gaily wrapped gifts, each person’s in equal number, in equal piles so as to prevent any wars or confusion.  As we ripped through the packages each box contained either sticks, stones, or coal.   Two of my brothers started crying immediately.  I sat there in disbelief.  How could this be?  We were good kids….kind of…  We continued to dive into each present, each one filled with sticks, rocks, coal or just straw.  Suddenly Steve jumped up and ran out of the room upset.  Mom and Dad got up and joined us, “So what did you all get from Santa?”  Matt sat lip out quivering two big frog tears falling down his cute cheeks.  Phil and Bob sat there with black hands from the coal looking at each other in shock.  I kept thinking, this must be a joke!  Where is the good stuff?  I mean I WAS good all year, except for that little goof up yesterday, and that was an accident.  Suddenly Steven burst back into the room joyously, “There are five new bikes in the garage, I just saw them.”  We all ran to the garage to see.  Yep, new shiny bikes in a row, four blue, mine was yellow and green striped.  The brats did score after all!  I didn’t know if Santa had felt bad for us, or we just got the bikes because he wanted to get them off the sleigh, I was just glad we got something.  I blamed my brothers for my not getting my usual holiday haul, but the bike would suffice. 

 

Mom and Dad then made us all get dressed and we went to EARLY Christmas Day Mass.   After mass Dad went up to Father Horvath and said that we all needed to go to confession, so we all had to meet one-on-one with Father Horvath and confess our holiday sins and what we had done.  I still claimed mine was just an accident.   After a stern look and given a penance of three Our Father’s, three Hail Mary’s and three Glory Be to the Father’s we were dismissed.   We then went home and Mom and Dad made us clean up “our presents” under the tree.  We were then told we were grounded from the new bikes for a month!  A lifetime in kid time, but none of us dared say a word.   We then went to Grandma’s for lunch and spent the rest of the day playing with our cousins and having fun at the “kid table.”  We were the topic of conversation all day as Mom and Dad continued to relate the Christmas Eve happenings of our behavior to all of our relatives who just shook their heads and gave us discerning looks.   We also relayed the same story to our fellow cousins, who thought it was extremely funny.  We kind of did too, hey at least we scored bikes!

  It was the Christmas we were the worst, but it is the Christmas I remember as being one of the best.

 

 

Caryn Day-Suarez

Another memorable Christmas story written 11/28/09.

 

Irvin's Un-Silent Night

 

Irvin’s Un-Silent Night

 

By Caryn M. Day-Suarez

 

"It was the largest snowstorm in Florida history."
"Jacksonville 1989."
"Nope that doesn't fit."
"What Edith?"
It doesn't fit in the squares for my crossword puzzle, think again!"
"Oh for God's sake." Irvin rolled his eyes and picked up the TV remote.

"Don't get comfortable in that chair Irvin. We've got to go out for some last minute groceries. Evie and the kids are coming tomorrow for Christmas Eve and you know how those kids eat. Get up already." Edith checked the corners of her mouth as she applied her Sweet Kisses Mistletoe lipstick and adjusted her red hair. She headed for the front room to get her purse and sweater.

"Uh huh." Irvin replied automatically, not listening to one word Edith said.

"Help me Irvin. I just got my hair tangled up putting this sweater on pulling it over my new perm."

Irvin turned the TV remote up a little bit louder and started surfing channels. Roscoe the family lab hearing a cat meow on a commercial jumped up and started barking.
"Oy vey." Irvin signed.

Edith continued fussing then a loud crash and a bang ensued. It was followed by the sound of tinkling bells, the rustling of paper and boxes and a flash in the electricity.

"Edith, what are you doing? I'm trying to watch TV here. For crying out loud!"

"Irvin, I tripped over the presents and the Christmas tree trying to put this sweater on and I fell help me out here."

"Did you start a fire?"

"No."

Irvin laid down the remote for the TV, stood up slowly taking hold of his walker and started moving into the next room where Edith was out on the floor spread eagle with her purple sweater still stuck on her head.

"Where's the phone? I'll call Ira and see if he can come over and give us a hand here."

"Just call 911!"

"Edith where did you put the phone?"

"The last place I saw it was over by your chair." Shrilled Edith.

Irvin turned the walker and started shuffling back towards the recliner. Edith was still thrashing around on the floor tangling herself up worse in the smashed packages and Christmas lights she had knocked off the tree.

"I don't see it. I got the remote, not the phone. Where else can it be?"

"IRVIN, help me up NOW!"

"What do ya want Edith! Do ya want me to find the phone first? I can't help you out. I can't lift you. You've probably gained another 15 lb this month alone because you can't stay out of the holiday cookies. Don't get me started on how much eggnog you've downed this month, Bailey's Irish Cream, five Christmas lunches, the Nelson's Holiday party, three 2 lb bags of M&M's..."

"Yeah and a partridge in a pear tree don't forget that Irvin, kick me when I'm down, I mean LITERALLY. I think I sprained my ankle. Find the phone. Look on the kitchen table."

Irvin shuffled over towards the kitchen table Roscoe following him along.

"Not here Edith. Did you take it in the bathroom with you earlier?"

"No I did not take it to the bathroom with me earlier, unlike you I only do one thing at a time when I am in the bathroom!"

Irvin rolled his eyes. He did a tour again of the kitchen table, the counter, the table by the door. He scooted over towards the small bathroom, stuck his head in and turned on the light. Turning back towards the living room he thought he saw the end of the phone sticking out of the bottom of his recliner. He started towards it slowly trying to figure out how he was going to get it and not let Edith know it must have fallen off the recliner when he stood up.

"Irvin? Irvin what the heck are you doing? I could be dying here!"

Irvin walked towards the recliner and placed the walker over the end of the phone. He knew if he tried to bend he would topple himself. His knee replacements not like they used to be. He pointed the phone out to Roscoe to see if he could get it for him. "Roscoe, get the phone boy, get the phone. Roscoe see the cheese, cheese, yes it's cheese, can you get it boy?"

Roscoe looked at the phone, looked at Irvin and then looked back at the phone. He was not a dumb dog he knew the phone was not cheese. Irvin took the corner of his walker and hit the phone with it until he could get about 3/4's of it out from underneath the chair. He then positioned himself back over the recliner, sat down slowly, bent over and reached the phone. It was only when he then tried to straighten up into a sitting position that his back then decided not to cooperate and a low back spasm ensued causing him to drop both the phone and the TV remote, which slid into his lap and then down the side of the chair. He lunged for them both so as to stop them from going down the side and out the bottom of the chair. He thought he had them both, but one fell through anyway. Leaning back in the chair he raised his right hand to see which one he had saved.

"Irvin where are you? A little help here pullease I'm begging you."

"Just a minute Edith, I just threw out my back again."

Irvin sat back and looked at what he had captured in his right hand. The weatherman on TV was answering today's email weather question. "Did you know folks that the largest snowstorm in Florida history was back on February 13, 1899. We had 1.9 inches that covered most of the state. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas."

"Hey Edith, there you go. There's the answer to your puzzle, it wasn't Jacksonville 1989 after all, what do you know."

"IRVIN!"

"Just a minute. Stay still."

Irvin leaned back a little and turned up the remote. The sports would be on next.

 

 

Caryn Day-Suarez – November 2010